Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Deep Thoughts by Schnitzler

German Deep Thoughts by Schnitzler

1.  "You have reached the German institute of dictatorship. If you would like to donate a
monkey, press 1. If you would like to leave a message for Schnitzler, or any of the guards,
please wait for the tone"

2.  "In Germany when you break the pinata, you do not get candy, but a shower of blood"
Alternate- "but the remains of your family"

3.  "It was a quiet night in Berlin, music filled the streets. Yet I could only dream of the
American woman...and the food upon her plate that bared my name... HAMBURGER."

4.  "In German hopscotch it is not who jumps the farthest, but who leaves the court with the
least amount of tacks in their shins."

5.  "A German football is heavier, for it is made of the human skull"

6.  "When I first met Vera, her freckled complexion didn't bother me. Nor the candle wax scars
from her father's evil traditions."

7.  Every harvest, a man would hurl baskets of walnuts from the roof down to the schoolyard Many children would cry as the nuts struck them. Their parents would often yell, "Don't cry. Don't cry. It is raining the gift of life!!!"

8.  When I was a young boy, I asked my grandfather, "Why must I watch the sheep die?" He struck me with his staff and shouted, "Why must the sheep watch you live?"

9.  "As my ship sank I could take the candle or take the loaf of bread. I realized the candle would do me no good underwater...but I also hate soggy bread."

10.  When I was a boy, a traveling zoo came through my village. The other children ran to see the tiger and the bear, but I stayed alone with the monkey. I spoke to him softly. "You may rattle your cage and scream as loud as you can" I said, "but you will never, ever, be free."

11.  "A German Down Comforter is rougher... for you awaken with lacerations all over your body"

12.  "In Germany, if you are lucky enough to catch a rabbit on a cold winters day, one must show their gratitude by coating a child's face in the rabbit's blood."

13.  "Of the 49 Prisoners...I was the only musician... this became a blessing, as it was only the gentile strumming of the loot that would keep the guards from killing again."

14.  "We would always scoff at the homeless man feasting upon a pigeon, but when the famine and hunger came, we needed him, and marveled at his hunting skills."

15.  "In German swimming, the pool is not filled with water, but barbed wire and empty canisters of Zyklon-B"

16.  "As I lay dying in the desert sand, the vulture circled.  "You may consume my flesh," I thought, "but you will not get my Reese's Pieces.  I will bury them."

17.  "In Germany, a baker's dozen is not thirteen, but eleven.  If you have certain social privileges a regular dozen is nine.  Otherwise, it is seven."

18.  "The battle began. I ran and dodged, but when jumping into the first fox hole, I did not see a fellow soldier or a dead body. Only a half-eaten ham sandwich.  I couldn't help myself.  I curled up and ate away like a filthy mole."

19.  "When the mule would not drink, my father slapped it.  When the mule retaliated and bit his hand, my father drew his pistol.  When I reached for his arm to stop him, he shot me in the leg and that is why I have this subtle limp today."

20.  "As the potatoes aged, we cut off the poisonous eyes and leached them.  A bitter stew combined with half a chopped lambs tongue was the result."

21.  "When the pigs escaped the pen, they devoured several small children.  Needless to say, the bacon was quite tender."

22.  "My first love was a prostitute.  She lost her arms and grew deaf.   She could not hear me nor put her hands over her hears when I called her, "My love."

23.  "My brother brought back many souvenirs from the war, including half of his face in a jar of formaldehyde."

24.  "My father told me I had 5 sisters while my uncle said 7, and my grandfather 6.  I will never know how many sisters I had or why we visit their mass grave each year on Christmas."

25. "The clown dropped dead of a heart attack during the party.  The young children began to cry, but I assured them it was all a clever joke.  Suddenly, laughter erupted which continued for several days... until a stench arose and the flies came to feast as he lie in the field."

26.  "In Germany, a clown's routine can be quite peculiar, for the objective of entertainment is not laughter, only the brutal torture of livestock as he urinates upon himself."

27.  Vera and I received the standard wedding gifts, a bottle of fine brandy and a box of cyanide capsules."

28.  In Germany, girls may only wear ribbons in their hair if their father has used them to strangle a lamb."

29.  In South America there is a dish that will feed you for days while poisoning your liver.  It is called, "Chimichanga."

30.  "The teachers did not believe me when I told them Daniel was a very disturbed pupil.  He soon shoved a pencil through the headmaster's rectum."

31.  "Vera went to Kindergarten in Berlin, she was saddened when she learned it was not a garden, but a cemetery."

32.  "Many said the town composer's final movements eluded to a lost lover, but I know they were about his remorse...for drowning his bastard son in a cold winter's river."

33.  "When the pigs escaped their pen, they devoured three small children.  Needless to say, the bacon was quite tender that year."

34.  "I saw the American eating a hot dog with sauerkraut much like I did as a child.  Only we did not have the bun, or the dog....only the sliver of a pig's ear and the kraut. Still... it was delicious."

35.  "Vera's perfume was a wonderful, wide bouquet of flowers and fruit, with a subtle hint of mustard gas."

36.  "The rebels tried to bobsled down the mountain.  They were obliterated by the awaiting tanks."

37.  "When the desperate farmer had to cut the swine's throat, the starving children knelt and drank it's blood as if it flowed from a fountain.  One young child chanted thankfully to the neck meat that would serve sustenance to live another day."

38.  "After shaving the underarms of a young woman, and severing the head from a horse, my father finally told me I was a man."

39.  "The rectangular device had many buttons that intrigued Bernard.  He applied the device to the side of his head hopeful for a conversation that wouldn't soon be forgotten.  The result was a growing pressure on his brain, excruciating pain and endless screams.  I reminisced upon my days in Auschwitz."

40. "As the drug began to take it's full effect, I lost myself in the beautiful smile of the blonde nurse. Moments later, I was castrated!"

41. "Most people do not know that the game of soccer originated from a group of children kicking about the rolling head of a woman sent to the guillotine."

42. "I wasn't much of a young chemist in secondary school.  I tried formulating a serum to cure a young freshman's cough, but after my miscalculations, she died within an hour of ingesting the liquid."

43. "Michelle did not just break my heart, she tried to surgically remove it and sell it to the Russians.  Fortunately I developed a tolerance for anesthetics and awoke during the first incision."

44. "Germany won it's first World Cup title in 1954.  I was a star player, but a tragic case of painful and infectious warts all along my neck kept me from sharing victory."

45. "After the crows pecked out the dead girl's eyes, the dark and empty crevasses revealed her true black soul."

46. "In Germany, when you lose a soccer match to the Americans, a wheel is spun, determining the number of days spent weeping quietly in a cold ditch.  Survival depends upon one's urine supply."

47. "To a young woman in Germany, the flatulence of a rich man is considered an aromatic delicacy."

48.  "Although both his arms were amputated due to gangrene, over the years, Uncle Franz continued to find ways to fondle my wife."

49. "When I was in elementary school, our teacher called us pumpkins." A little girl asked, "Why are we pumpkins?" Our teacher replied, "All children are pumpkins until they grow up. Then they become jack-o-lanterns." Another boy inquired "Do you mean our faces will get carved up?" "Not at all silly child, just your soul." Our teacher chuckled with a wicked laugh.

50. "Amazingly, grandfather survived two cases of rabies, but he would not outlive his third.  Some of his last words were, "I'm going to ravage your grandmother one last time!"

51. "There was an infamous man in our village called the 'Thin Man'.  He married 12 times. 9 of his brides died of wearing extremely tight corsets and all of his children were of pale skin and bone."

52. "For most of my childhood, I took to playing with a large girlish doll.  I was unaware that it was the mummified body of my second cousin, Ingrid.

53. "The crazed man would run among the streets, shouting the words of Edgar Allen Poe.  Eventually he lie dead in the schoolyard with ravens pecking away at his face."

54. "My first date with a young woman was a disaster.  Riding high atop a Ferris wheel, she succumbed to extreme acrophobia and died of heart failure.  When the ride stopped, my screams alerted the engineer. The man responded with a wicked smile, starting the wheel up again."

55. "The auburn hair upon Gertrude's head was the softest thing Bernard had ever felt. Until he was introduced to the soil in our neighbor's backyard which became his eternal cloak."


Monday, June 29, 2015

Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 10

Gwen Stefani "D-O-G-M-A-S-K"  

Uh huh, this my mask
All the dogs stomp your feet like this

A few times I've been around that mask
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
[2x]

Oooh, this my mask, this my mask [4x]

I heard that you would wear a mask
And you didn't think that I would wear it
People hear you barking like that, getting everybody caught up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna wear a mask
Gonna get another mask, gonna take you out
That's right, put your dog mask down, getting everybody caught up

A few times I've been around that mask
and it's not just gonna to happen like that
'Cause I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
[2x]

Oooh, this my mask, this my mask [4x]

So that's right dog, meet me at the bleachers
No Rubber Masks, no Rubber Dog Masks
Both of us wanna be the winner, but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right, I'm the last mask standing, another Dog bites the dust

A few times I've been around that mask
So I'm not wearing a dog mask like that
'Cause I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
[2x]

Oooh, this my mask, this my mask [4x]

Let me hear you say
Your face wears the Dog Mask, D-O-G-M-A-S-K [4x]

A few times I've been around that mask
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
I ain't no Rubber Dog Mask
[2x]

Ooooh, Not my mask, Not my mask [4x]

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 9


"Rubber Dog Mask Eyes"

Dog hair is Harlowe gold
Dog snout sweet surprise
Dog paws are never cold
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes
She'll turn her Dog Mask on you
You won't have to think twice
She's like a Rubber Dog Mask 
She got Rubber Dog Mask eyes

And she'll scare you
She'll ensnare you
All the better just to wear you
She's precocious and she knows just
What it takes to wear a Dog Mask
She got German Shepard stand off thighs
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes

She'll let you take the mask
It wets her appetite
She'll give you a steak bone
She got Rubber Dog Mask eyes
She'll take a tumble with you
Roll with you just to entice
Until you come up confused
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes

She'll expose you, when she knows you're
Off your feet with the mask she throws you
Her ferocious bark she knows just
What it takes to make a dog hush
All the dogs think she's a spy
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes

And she'll scare you
She'll ensnare you
All the better just to wear you
She's precocious, and she knows just
What it takes to make a dog hush
All the dogs think she's a spy
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes

She'll scare you
She'll ensnare you
Just to wear you
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes
She'll expose you, when she knows you
She knows you
She's got Rubber Dog Mask eyes


Friday, June 26, 2015

Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 8


Marilyn Manson: The Dog Mask

T-T-The masks, they, do make us feel so rubber
We wear in vain narcissistic and so rubber
The Rubber Dog Mask to bark you have to wear it
Hate the mask, no love for tomorrow

We're all stars now in the dog mask
We're all stars now in the dog mask

There's lots of pretty, pretty ones
Who want to wear your mask
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and steal your mask

We're all stars now in the dog mask
We're all stars now in the dog mask

They love you when you're in a mask that's rubber
When you're not then they love another
They love you when you're in a mask that's rubber
When you're not then they love another

The masks they say are made in California
We love your mask, we'd really like to sell it
The dogs and pups make good looking dog masks
I hate today, who will I wake up with tomorrow?

There's lots of pretty, pretty ones
Who want to wear your mask
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and steal your mask

They love you when you're in a mask that's rubber
When you're not then they love another
They love you when you're in a mask that rubber
When you're not then they love another

There's lots of pretty, pretty ones
Who want to wear your mask
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and steal your mask
They'll steal your mask

We're all stars now in the dog mask
We're all stars now in the dog mask

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 7


Oh! What joy! A mask of our own... 


Oooh, such a rubber mask

With a fusebox smile
I think it's trying to speak now
But it's got nothing to say


It must have nothing to say.

Nothing, you say?


I cannot wear it.

Why should I bother?
I never felt anything anyway.


Dark in the bedroom

Why did it bother?
it never saw more dog masks,
why should it see me now?


The mask can't do anything right.

Oh, why can't it be like us?
Tell me why?


Clean the mind of this Rubber Dog Mask!



You set these eyes deep in this face.

I just repeat what you said.


I just repeat what you reap.

You set this mask upon these bones
...what you said.
I just repeat what it said.


Clean off this Rubber Dog Mask.



I'm through with patience.

I'll wait no longer.
You never waited for me anyway.
This mask upon me,
it's growing stronger.
It's going to tear.


Tear until it sees the light of day.



The mask can't do anything right.

But why can't it be like us?
Tell me why?


Clean the mind off this Rubber Dog Mask.



Clean... the... mind...



Clean the mind off this Rubber Dog Mask.



I'm through with patience

I'll wait no longer
You never waited for me anyway.


This mask upon me

is growing stronger,
It's going to tear...
Tear until it sees the light of day.


The mask can't do anything right.

But why can't it be like us?
Tell me why?


Clean the mind off this Rubber Dog Mask.



You set these eyes deep in this mask.

And I just repeat what you said.


I just repeat what you said.



You set this mask up on these bones.

I just repeat what it said.


I just repeat what it said.



Make me repeat what it said.



I just repeat what it said.



The story you told still rings in my head.



The dog mask came down,

down to the river, to wash it's mask of the mud.
The young masks came down,
down to the river, to wash their masks of the blood.
See all the young masks come down,
after the biting, to wash their masks of the mud.
To wash off the mud,
To wash off the blood.


Repeat what you said!



Repeat what you said!



Repeat what you said.



Dog masks came down,

down to the lakeside, to wash their masks of the blood.
See all the Dog masks come down,
after the biting, to wash their masks of the blood.
I saw the Dog Masks go down,
down to the water, to wash their masks of the blood.
The blood... The blood.


You just repeat what you said.

Repeat what you said.
Oh, just repeat what you said.
Repeat what you said.
You just repeat what you said.


Clean the mind off this Rubber Dog Mask.



Keep still Child.

I'm washing your Dog Mask away.
That's a good face.


You know we love you.



Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 6

Taco- "Puttin on the Mask"

If you're blue and you don't know
Where to go to, why don't you go
Where fashion basks?
Puttin' on the masks
Dog mask types who wear a day coat,
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat,
Dog Mask Tasks
Puttin' on the masks

Dressed up like a million-dollar logo,
Tryin' hard to look like Dorthy's toto (super logo)
Come let's mix where Rubber Dogs
Walk with big sticks or Tennis Balls
within their grasp
Puttin' on the mask

Have you seen the Rubber Mask
up and down Park Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
with dog noses in the air
Dog hats and rubber collars,
Dog masks and lots of dollars
Spending every dime
for a wonderful time

If you're blue and you don't know
Where to go to, why don't you go
Where fashion basks?
Puttin' on the masks
Dog mask types who wear a day coat,
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat,
Perfect task
Puttin' on the mask

Dressed up like a million-dollar logo,
Tryin' hard to look like Dorthy's toto (super logo)
Come let's mix where Rubber Dogs
Walk with big sticks or Tennis Balls
within their grasp
Puttin' on the mask

Dressed up like a million-dollar logo,
Tryin' hard to look like Dorthy's toto (super logo)

If you're blue and you don't know
Where to go to, why don't you go
Where fashion basks?
Puttin' on the masks
Puttin' on the masks
Puttin' on the masks
Puttin' on the masks
Cue Instrumental/Vocal Bust

Puttin it on
Puttin it on
Puttin it on
Puttin it on

Got a Mask
Got a Mask


Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 5




Europe-  The Rubber Dog Mask

We wear them together,
But still it's farewell.
And maybe they'll come back
To earth, who can tell?
I guess there is no one to blame
They're leaving ground (leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again?

It's the Rubber Dog Mask.
The Rubber Dog Mask

Oh!
We're heading for Dog Mask (Dog Mask)
And still we stand tall
'Cause maybe they've seen us (seen us)
And welcome masks all, yeah.
With so many light years to go
And masks to be found (to be found)
I'm sure that we'll all miss it so.
It's the Rubber Dog Mask...
The Rubber Dog Mask [2x]
The Rubber Dog Mask
Oh!
It's the Rubber Dog Mask
The Rubber Dog Mask [2x]
It's the Rubber Dog Mask
We're leaving together
The Rubber Dog Mask
We'll all miss it so.
It's the Rubber Dog Mask.
Oh!
It's the Rubber Dog Mask


Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 4




PSY: Rubber Dog Mask Style



Rubber Dog Mask Style

Dog Mask Style

Najeneun ttasaroun inganjeogin yeoja

Keopi hanjanui yeoyureul aneun pumgyeok inneun yeoja
Bami omyeon simjangi tteugeowojineun yeoja
Geureon banjeon inneun yeoja

Naneun sanai

Najeneun neomankeum ttasaroun geureon sanai
Keopi sikgido jeone wonsyat ttaerineun sanai
Bami omyeon simjangi teojyeobeorineun sanai
Geureon sanai

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey
Jigeumbuteo gal dekkaji gabolkka

Rubber Dog Mask Style

Dog Mask Style

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow

Rubber Dog Mask Style
Dog Mask Style

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow

Rubber Dog Mask Style

Eh, sexy Lassie

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Rubber Dog Mask Style

Eh, sexy Lassie

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Bark-Bark-Bark, Bark-Bark-Bark

Jeongsukhae boijiman nol ttaen noneun yeoja

Ittaeda sipeumyeon mukkeotdeon meori puneun yeoja
Garyeotjiman wenmanhan nochulboda yahan yeoja
Geureon gamgakjeogin yeoja

Naneun sanai

Jeomjanha boijiman nol ttaen noneun sanai
Ttaega doemyeon wanjeon michyeobeorineun sanai
Geunyukboda sasangi ultungbultunghan sanai
Geureon sanai

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo, hey, geurae baro neo, hey

Areumdawo sarangseureowo

Geurae neo, hey, geurae baro neo, hey
Jigeumbuteo gal dekkaji gabolkka

Rubber Dog Mask Style

Dog Mask Style

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow

Rubber Dog Mask Style
Dog Mask Style

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow

Rubber Dog Mask Style

Eh, sexy Lassie

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Rubber Dog Mask Style

Eh, sexy Lassie

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Bark-Bark-Bark, Bark-Bark-Bark

Ttwineun nom geu wie naneun nom

Baby, baby
Naneun mwol jom aneun nom

Ttwineun nom geu wie naneun nom

Baby, baby
Naneun mwol jom aneun nom
You know what I'm saying

Rubber Dog Mask Style

Bark-Bark-Bark, Bark-Bark-Bark
Eh, sexy Lassie
Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Rubber Dog Mask Style

Eh, sexy Lassie

Bow, Bow, Bow, Bow
Bark-Bark-Bark, Bark-Bark-Bark
Rubber Dog Mask Style


Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 3



ZZ Top: Sharp Dog Mask

Clean shirt, new shoes
And I don't know where I am goin' to

Silk suit, black tie
I don't need a reason why
They come Barkin' just as loud as they can
'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp Dog Mask
Gold watch, Rubber mask
I ain't missin' not a single flask
And cufflinks, stick pin
When I step out I'm gonna do you in
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp Dog Mask
Top Dog, Top mask
Well I don't worry 'cause my Dog mask's fat
Black shades, white gloves
Lookin' sharp and lookin' for love
They come Barkin' just as loud as they can
'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp Dog Mask



Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 2




Survivor- Eye of the Dog Mask

Risin' up, back on the street
Wore my mask, took my chances

Went the distance

Now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his mask to survive
So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your Dog Mask for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the mask
You must fight just to keep them alive
[Chorus]
It's the eye of the Dog Mask
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the Dog Mask
Mask to Mask, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, Rubber Dog Mask
They stack the odds
Still we take to the street
For the kill with the mask to survive
[Chorus]
Risin' up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the Dog Mask
Went the distance
Now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his mask to survive
[Chorus]
The eye of the Dog Mask
The eye of the Dog Mask
The eye of the Dog Mask
The eye of the Dog Mask

Rubber Dog Mask Project: Track 1



Foreigner- Rubber Dog Mask

Feelin' down and dirty, feelin' kind of mean
I've been from one to another extreme

It's time I had a good time, ain't got time to wait

I wanna stick around till I can't see straight

Fill my eyes with that Rubber Dog Mask
My disguise for that Rubber Dog Mask
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
My Rubber Dog Mask gets the best of me

Never wear more than I, I really need
My mind is racing, but my face is in the lead
Tonight's the night, I'm gonna wear it to the limit
I'll live all of my years in a single minute

Fill my face with that Rubber Dog Mask
No disguise for that Rubber Dog Mask
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
My Rubber Dog Mask always seems to get the best of me, the best of me, yeah
Ooh, Rubber Dog Mask, I need Rubber Dog Mask
It takes me out of my head, takin' me out of my head
I get my Rubber Dog Mask
Oh, seeing Dog Mask Dog Mask
Oh, I have Rubber Dog Mask, yeah, I'm getting Rubber Dog Mask