Veteran-turned-mercenary Thoorop (Vin Diesel) takes the high-risk job of escorting a girl, Aurora, from Russia to America. Thoorop is banned from America for Terrorism acts so this guy he knows gives him a new identity to shoot into his neck before he goes through customs.
I'm gonna go ahead and spoil this one for everybody because this is on par with One Missed Call for being the worst movie of the year. Sure there's action but some of it is so ridiculous to the point of Transporter 2. So Thoorop picks up Aurora at a house out in the middle of nowhere where she has been living with sister Rebecca. Rebecca Has 3 rules before they get in the car
1. Don't speak to Aurora
2. Don't look at Aurora
3. No foul Language
and of course Thoorop's classic reply is that he only has one rule:
"Lady, don't fuck with me."
The oscar award winning dialogue continues throughout the rest of the movie.
They go to meet up with his friend at this Bar/Rave place and there's other people after Aurora as well. Her father wants her back. So the three of them get attacked in this bar and low and behold Aurora and Sister Rebecca just happen to be bad ass at martial arts and they jackie chan it to escape with Thoorop.
They get submarine passes from their friend and they're off to America.
Jump to Aurora, Rebecca and Thoorop's friend on one Snowmobile and Thoorop on the other speeding across the arctic plains. Uh oh here come some weird flying machines with heat seeking missles and machine gun fire.
They miraculously dodge all bullets and then in the most unbelievable scene in the movie, Thoorop takes his snowmobile off an embankment into a backflip as the missle goes underneath him.
Later Thoorop's snowmobile explodes and we think he's dead but he just has a piece of metal stuck in his back. No problem for Aurora who also happens to be a qualified doctor. Thorop's friend then trys to kill him but Thorop beats him to the punch and kills him first.
"What did I tell you? Don't trust anyone"
I'll jump to the end because reading all of this is probably just as pointless as seeing the movie. Aurora spoke 19 different languages when she was 2 years old and we find out her father created her as she is part human but also injected with Artificial Intellegence and a huge asset to which ever country ends up with her. She also finds out she is pregnant with twins even though she's never been with anyone. This has apparently been the experament all along according to her father.
A big shootout winds the film down and some people die and are then brought back to life hours later. Yes!
Then there's some sort of ending with Thorop raising the twins.
And it's over! It's over.
Roll Credits.
2/10
It wasn't as painful to sit through as say Freedomland or the worst movie of all time BUG (0/10) But this one is bad. Avoid at all costs.
Other notable mentions-
The House Bunny- 4/10
Mirrors 8/10
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