I am sorry to regret to inform you that Leonard Kowalski's mother (who was married to the five gallon tub of mayonaise) has filed for a divorce. She was caught having an affair with a mustard stuffed blueberry muffin with cranberry sauce. The tub of mayonaise was heartbroken and later that day drove off a cliff on the Skyway leading up to paradise.
A Suicide note was left in the car:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I now realise that I cannot fulfill the wonderful relationship I had with my wife. My wife has left me for another condiment. We spent many days of our lives together spreading me around and around. But I realize now that I am not the same mayo I was when I was married. I could see if I was miracle whip or something but you were looking at the real deal here. Mom and Dad I love youbut cannot live wiht myself anymore. I have but one requestand that is to be buried in the Refrigidare 5000. I guess my mayonaise has gone bad and I am expired. Mr. Mustard please take care of my wife and treat her right. Be careful where you spread your mustard! Goodbye Mom and Dad and could you tell my wife that I will always love her.
-5 gallon tub of mayonaise
The 5 gallon tub of Mayonaise rests in peace in Pesant Valley, Oroville, CA in the back of a trailer park.
Let us never forget him and think before we go to Wendy's and say "I would like a bacon cheeseburger, hold the mayo." Because Dammit, Mayonaise was born to spread itself and when you decline it it's main use in life, you decline it what it seeks most....
The thought that they satisfied you and that you had a damn good burger for lunch.
Thank You for reading an original bust from the mind of Dean Evans Jr. This was written a long time ago and over the years it's not that I don't appriciate the bockus of it all, but I don't creatively produce gems/masterpieces like this anymore. Fingers crossed for a volume 3 at some point in the future............
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